apparently i had reason to be scared.

Sun danced joyfully through the open window, casting our shadows stretched across the carpeted floor. His laughter rang shrill and happy throughout the house. Bright red overalls splattered carelessly with a rainbow of paints, blonde hair bouncing on delicate shoulders. His smile was wide and innocent, rows of pearly white soldiers standing guard. Eyes of a blue which rivalled the sky brimmed with curiosity. He giggled with anticipated glee as he launched himself at me. Commencing an attack.
          I sat tall in a proud armchair, rich with vibrant green. From the ground i snatched him. A giant by comparison. His chest rolled with laughter and his cheeks blossomed red. The war had begun. 
          The paint brush threatened contact. An approaching enemy encroaching on his territory. Yellow and blue. With each stroke of the brush he cried out with joy. Laughing together; He had hit me. Orange and purple. Mission accomplished; i was going down. He screamed with delight. Jumping up and down, the victory was his.
          A quite knock on the door brought me back. I sat in a dull green arm chair. The room before me held no joy. Paint stains caressed the carpet. Colours once vibrant, now bland. Warfare here was a thing of the past. We fought another battle now.
          A voice came from the hall. A whisper, Timid almost inaudible: "It's time."

A black dress. Tight and constricting. It holds me in a terrifying grip, threatening to strangle. My hair blows violently across my face, viscous and unrelenting. Today, the world is a cruel place. The warmth which we had once shared has seemingly dissolved. All that is left in the rubble is this cold and lonely heartbreak. There is little anyone can do to comfort, and I am not the worst of the casualties.
          Here I stand in a crowded room. Tears stream down grief stricken faces. Loud heart wrenching sobs pierce the silence. It is a frigid silence which has settled strategically around us. A hostile take over. Silence. There are no words that can be said. Nothing that can make this better. Nothing that can take it back.
          It is a strange feeling; For as I stand herein this crowded room, surrounded by people I feel alone. Hopeless. Lost. And ultimately alone. There is no help anyone can offer me, because this is a battle we must fight by ourselves. We can survive the brutality of war

Before me, the morbid sea of black laps expectantly at my feet. In the distance I can see it. I inch forward on weak knees. One foot in front of the other, merely a veteran doing my sworn duty.
          Swallowed. Taken mercilessly by the black sea I wade forwards. My stomach tightens and tears choke my throat. My feet; heavy with dread come abruptly to a stop. I try to calm myself, taking deep settling breaths.
          He lies still before me. His body is limp and his beautiful blue eyes remain shut. Sleep is a cruel façade. For as I stand here I beg for him to wake. To get up and run. To laugh and play like nothing is wrong. But that can now only be a distant dream, lying among so many broken memories.
          He remains silent and still. Frozen in his innocence. The only hint of tradgedy is the poppy bruise which rests contently on his pale forehead. A young soldier caught in the crossfire. He is an unfortunate victim of the times, claimed by skidding tyres. I rest my shaking hand gently upon his. It is cold and unfamiliar. Tears track silent paths down my cheeks. They are only cracks on the surface and offer no closure.
          Here I stand in the middle of a crowded room, saying my final goodbyes. For this will be the last time that we meet.
          My hero of war.
          He is but a young boy laying for the last time in paint stained overalls. There will be no more battles, no more victories, no more soldiers.
          I let go of him reluctantly and cling desperately instead to the green armchair in my tainted memories.

As I leave the ominous confines of the church my vision lingers hopelessly on the blunt coffin.
          “a four foot box, a foot for every year.”

My group of friends is falling apart at the seams........

You'll never know how strong you are
Until being strong is your only choice

Don't give up yet

Like my favorite record your a little over played
like my favorite summer you'll never fade away 

Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound
and how raindrops taste like tears without pain 

You were my curse
I was your disease
I was killing you
and you were saving me 

The liquor turns me cold
and the pills, they numb my soul
tonight i discover nothings real
in all that i've been told 

It's like you get homesick
for a place that doesn't exist 

So i found this on another xanga page and thougt that i might give it a go :)
each day you have to write a letter to the person it indicates.
Credit goes to:  http://tellmeyoulovemeplease.xanga.com

Day 1 __ Your Best Friend
Day 2 __ Your Crush
Day 3 __ Your Parents
Day 4 __ Your Sibling (or Closest Relative)
Day 5 __ Your Dreams
Day 6 __ A Stranger
Day 7 __ Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 __ Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 __ Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 __ Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 __ A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 __ The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 __ Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 __ Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 __ The person you miss the most
Day 16 __ Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 __ Someone from your childhood
Day 18 __ The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 __ Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 __ The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 __ Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 __ Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23  __ The last person you kissed
Day 24 __ The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 __ The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 __ The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 __ The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 __ Someone that changed your life
Day 29 __ The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 __ Your reflection in the mirror

Day 7 __ Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Dear Jay (ex),

I just wanted to thankyou for everything that you did for me :)
It meant the world and i may not be here today if it wasn't for you.
i miss you so unbelievably much though and i wish you were still in my life :(  
friends....?

Love you
Rachel xx